In the latest episode of “Tales from the Cryptic Presidential Chronicles,” Joe Biden has spun a yarn that’s left more than a few eyebrows permanently lodged in people’s hairlines. During a recent visit to Scranton, Pennsylvania, Biden decided to share a story about his uncle, Ambrose Finnegan, who allegedly became an appetizer for cannibals after his plane was shot down over New Guinea during World War II. Yep, you read that right. Cannibals.
Now, before we dive into the meat of this story (pun absolutely intended), let’s get something straight. Everyone loves a good war tale. They’re part of the fabric of American storytelling, often filled with heroism, tragedy, and the occasional miracle. But Biden’s latest anecdote has ventured into territory so bizarre, it’s as if he’s competing for a spot in the next season of “Stranger Things.”
According to Biden, his uncle was lost in New Guinea, where “there were a lot of cannibals, for real.” Biden shared this gut-wrenching detail with steelworkers, presumably to add a dash of exotic flavor to his speech. However, official records and a sprinkle of common sense suggest this tale might be more fiction than fact. Reports indicate that the plane went down due to mechanical failure, and three men drowned — no mention of a cannibalistic cameo.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: New Guinea’s complicated history with cannibalism. While it’s true that the island had its dark chapters, suggesting that a U.S. serviceman ended up on the dinner menu without solid evidence is a bit… well, tasteless. It’s worth noting that Michael Rockefeller, son of Vice President Nelson Rockefeller, met a similar fate in the 1960s according to rumors, but tying such a grim narrative to a family member feels like a stretch.
This isn’t Biden’s first rodeo with embellishing family military tales. Remember when he claimed to have awarded his uncle Frank Biden the Purple Heart? A touching story, except for the minor details that both his father and uncle had been dead for years before he became vice president, and there’s zero evidence of the award. Oops.
To the casual observer, Biden’s stories might seem like harmless grandpa tales — the kind you humor over Thanksgiving dinner. But when you’re the President of the United States, your words carry weight. Mixing personal anecdotes with historical events requires a delicate balance, and unfortunately, Biden seems to be juggling with butterfingers.
At the end of the day, we’re left with more questions than answers. Did Uncle Finnegan really become a posthumous celebrity in a New Guinean tribe’s folklore? Or is this another chapter in Biden’s book of “I Swear It Happened”? Biden is certainly serving up a feast that’s hard to digest.