BREAKING: Steve Bannon is Officially Headed to Prison

Steve Bannon, the former right-hand man to President Donald Trump, finds himself on the business end of Lady Justice’s gavel. The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals has just put the final nail in the coffin of Bannon’s legal wrangling, upholding his 2022 contempt of Congress conviction.

Bannon’s been in the hot seat for refusing to cough up documents and testimony to the House committee that’s been digging into the January 6 Capitol breach. And it’s not like he was subtly evasive. Nope, according to Circuit Judge Brad Garcia, Bannon practically wore his noncompliance like a badge of honor. Garcia, in what reads like a script for a courtroom drama, stated Bannon knew exactly what was asked of him and chose to play the silent card. Talk about sticking to your guns.

Bannon didn’t just throw a Hail Mary with a “my dog ate my homework” excuse. He went full Hollywood, arguing that his attorney advised him to zip it, hoping for a curtain call with an “advice of counsel” defense. The court, however, wasn’t buying what Bannon was selling, effectively telling him that playing the advice card doesn’t cut it when you’re intentionally playing hooky from Congress.

Before you start thinking this is all some high-stakes poker game where Bannon might still pull an ace from his sleeve, hold your horses. Despite Bannon’s legal team throwing everything but the kitchen sink at their appeal, including quibbles over procedural flaws and whispers of executive privilege directives from Trump’s legal eagles, the court wasn’t swayed. It seems Bannon’s portrayal of a political martyr hit a sour note when it came out that Trump hadn’t actually played the executive privilege card, leaving Bannon’s defense looking about as solid as a house of cards in a tornado.

Adding insult to injury, Bannon’s compatriot in defiance, Peter Navarro, found himself in a similar pickle. Navarro started serving his own time earlier this year after his executive privilege defense crumbled faster than a stale cookie. Seems like claiming a presidential get-out-of-jail-free card isn’t as easy as one might hope.

With Bannon now staring down the barrel of a four-month vacation behind bars, plus a $6,500 parting gift to the government, it’s showtime. And as Bannon ponders his next move, possibly hoping for a last-minute plot twist or a cameo by a deus ex machina, the rest of us are left wondering—when did real life start giving primetime dramas a run for their money?

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Ron C

Yeah that is all fine and dandy, but the democrats and their alphabet soup agencies lie to the congress constantly with absolutely no accountability whatsoever! So yeah Bannon is going to prison as a political prisoner and certainly not for a just and legal reason!

Stephen Russell

Thought he served his term